Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

170. Daniel Maidman, The Exile of Zanzibar
     A mystical academic defends her thesis, but almost immediately everything goes wrong. A soldier pauses in battle to consider the dying. A king runs for his life. But this is just the beginning

Some of the best prose I’ve read from this blog-off. Mature, measured, expressively human, and always active.

The storytelling is hurrying along and taking me with it with a feeling of tremendous promise, especially because already there has been more than one narrative tone.

I don’t know how many pov characters are going to be in this, but I’ve already met 3. If the setting of ch.1 holds, this should be a sandled fantasy.

Florence is mentioned, but I don’t know if this will turn out increasingly to be a faux-historical pastiche fantasy in the best way. In any case, it promises to be a playfully dazzling blend of the familiar and the strange.

Needless to say, I’m thrilled to discover more of this setting as I go, because it’s feeling totally unique and wonderfully grounded.

Tho I was a bit confused by just what was happening in the prologue, the promise of our universe hopping, magical academic (our exile of Zanzibar?) falling into the war-torn story of ch.1 lends this opening wonderful creative promise.

I can’t guess in just what direction it will spin the story. I’m hungry for more of this prose, more of this world, more of the characters, more of this story. It is utterly readable. A brilliant beginning. This is an easy purchase. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122812214-the-exile-of-zanzibar

171. AE Dinsmore, Battle for Neverland: Countdown
     The author has removed their book from Amazon, if it was ever there. They are selling it exclusively through their website. No previews are available. So, well, what can I say? I guess they want you to find it, somehow, and then buy it on the strength of the blurb alone. Good luck!
     Pass.

Day 65

172. HC Newell, Curse of the Fallen
     Three adventurers kill to get a box with a magical artifact that can free one of them from a curse, but getting the item and using it are two different things.

This reminds me of a fantasy anime. It’s fast, a bit melodramatic, fun, crams a lot of exposition into a small space, and has a familiar but imaginative setting.

Our characters in ch1 are plucky adventurers and the best of friends, and that’s compelling. Who doesn’t love a story about friends striving against the odds?

They want something to free their sorceress friend from a curse that makes it impossible for her to use her magic without a dangerous order detecting her. That makes their goal equally compelling, especially when sometimes magic is the only way to survive.

The prose and dialogue are as colorful as they are engaging. This is in 3rd person omniscient, and the focus slipping from character to character may take getting used to, but I felt it helped me almost feel a part of the adventuring trio.

I would have liked more clarity from this opening. It felt like it was in such a rush to get into the blow by blow of the scene that it never paused to properly establish where we are and what just happened.

Similarly, characters asking each other questions it seems like they would necessarily know the answers to (like why they’re doing what they’re doing – oh yeah, this is about your curse thing) is just a bit too heavy-handed for me.

But starting with action – or rather the aftermath of the action is nonetheless an effective entry point that kept my interest.

This 1st chapter feels like it’s in a hurry, which is a strength and a weakness, but the characters are distinct, have concrete goals, obvious obstacles, and something is happening on every page.

I’ve heard if you’re going to sing out of tune, you should at least try to sing sharp because it creates a feeling of anticipation. I think you could say the same about stories being active. I don’t think many readers will complain about a story being too active.

As long as something is happening-happening-happening, your reader will be engaged, and I’m engaged by this. It’s dramatic and fun and full of creative magic and characters. I’d like to learn more about this world. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57903451-curse-of-the-fallen

173. Jessica A McMinn @jessicaamcminn, The Ruptured Sky
     A celestial event gives a princess special powers, but with them she must leave her life behind. Now a monster hunter, her life of privilege is little more than a memory.

The prose here is clear and direct and handles it’s multiple characters well. They are largely revealed through dialogue, and the dialogue is a real strength of this story.

I think both the prologue and start of ch1 were effective in their way, but ch1 seems like a better entry point to the story because it feels more grounded to me.

The prologue, though it establishes something of the MC’s life before everything changes, spends very little time on its inciting/critical incident that changes our MC’s life forever.

There’s a celestial event, some kind of monster appears (do our youths know about these things?), and then she somehow kills the thing, I guess? It goes by in a mighty rush, whereas ch1 is taking its time.

There are more details at the start of ch.1 too. The name and description of the monster our MC has successfully hunted, some good expositional dialogue, where we are. The POV also feels clearer. It’s clear who our MC is.

I think this is just one of the dangers of writing a prologue. The ideas are all good, but we don’t want our prologues to take up too much space. Like a film’s cold open, we want it to show the audience a lot in a short space.

But, as I said, ch1 feels well grounded. The idea of a female MC who has gone from a life of privilege to the rough and tumble life of monster hunting is rife with possible conflict and feels like a metaphor fit for fantasy.

Sometimes things happen to us through no fault of our own that change everything, and we live in the shadow of that trauma until we can get out from under it, if we ever can.

I’m eager to see where this goes. It is a spfbo semi-finalist, & that gives me hope it will continue to have the strong voice I’m finding in ch1. The narrative isn’t dumping its setting over my head. I feel like I’m living it out with the MC. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/95583559-the-ruptured-sky

Day 66

174. HD Woolf, Red Mage
     If you follow the rules set by the Mage Lords, you’re a mage. If you don’t, you’re a warlock, and they’ll send a hunter after you, like me … I mean, the MC of this next novel!

Sorry about that. The infectious voice of this next read got the better of me. it’s a 1st person Urban Fantasy with clear and descriptive prose from the very first line.

Our young (very young!) warlock hunter uses ensorcelled Allen wrenches to dowse out the spells and wards of her latest assignment. She thinks and acts fast when she needs to (and she will need to), and has a good eye for detail.

She’s so brave she only occasionally pees a little in fear. She’s not much of a magic user herself, but that makes for a great, plucky protagonist who has to use everything at her disposal to get the job done.

Our MC has clear goals and obstacles to start this story, and the narrative does a great job of introducing the reader to the world of the story, explaining the mechanics of bits of magic without coming to a total stop.

I feel I could learn something about worldbuilding by the example of this opening. I hope I already have. The action is pleasantly tight and fast paced, moving the story right along.

This is off to a great start! Sadly it doesnt have any ratings yet on Goodreads. At a tight 190 pages, I expect that will change soon enough. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/153041265-red-mage

175. AR Witham @ARWitham, The Legend of Black Jack
     Jack Swift is an ordinary boy with an ordinary imagination … for now. But after the death of his father, he’ll slip between worlds in this fantasy coming of age story.

The writing here – prose and dialogue all together – is a stand out. Witham is a talent, and there’s no mistaking that. The present tense prose shifts effortlessly between Jack and his father’s point of view. It is vivid, precise, even musical.

I am reading Kurt Vonnegut now, and the writing here reminds me of that. Even in the warmth and passing humor of Jack’s imagined heroics. I really do have to applaud.

The setting here, for the moment is ordinary (relatively speaking). An archeological dig site, father and son out in the desert. That’s our prologue. It may just as well be ch1 – I can’t say for sure, but it doesn’t seem there’s a difference in the continuity between the chapters.

But the characters are coming through with wonderfully subtle clarity. They are people living their lives. It is a slow, but good start, and it has my attention not the least of all because of the promise of a pre-prologue of the Legend our Jack will become, at least, in another world…

I will say, based on the wonderful strength of the writing of this opening, I’m very surprised it isn’t at least a semi-finalist. I don’t want to guess, but of course, prose alone does not a thumping good story make. Something has to be happening that makes that next page irresistible!

But, at this moment, I’m greatly enjoying reading something so sublimely well written and I’m very curious to see where this one goes. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61111204-the-legend-of-black-jack

Day 67

176. Alex Hanson, The Heart of Jasparia
     I have read the prologue of this. It’s short, active, has a lot of characters, but feels in a rush, and so ultimately unnecessary.

An explosion kills our MCs parents. They were the rulers. It’s a shock, and she’s distraught over it. For all the words and names and hollering, that’s really all we get. I don’t get any sense of who any of these people are, or really where I am.

There are also too many named characters who I am not properly introduced to. This is a “standalone” book 2, but I wonder if any of them were previously introduced. That is how it feels anyway.

They don’t seem important, anyway. The narrative rushes by them all too quickly, because it wants us to know our MCs parents are dead. I really want more from all this. I understand so little. I don’t even know what blew up. A shed?

A short prologue needs to be exact. This isn’t. It isn’t rooted in our MC’s experience. (I only glean who our MC IS because other characters seem to drop out of the narrative.) It doesn’t really introduce the setting either, and so, as I said, feels unnecessary.

This may settle in well once ch1 and the story proper begins. I can’t say, but it isn’t off to a very good start, and that’s enough to make me put this down and look elsewhere. Pass.

177. Oliver Carman @OliCarman, Out of the Shadows
     The raiders who butchered a village are going to pay as an old warrior whose been hiding in the wild with his daughter, and the survivors wait in ambush, but something isn’t right…

The action here is what won me over. It is hard-hitting, fast, evocative – in a word, it’s superb.

The setting is cold and harsh, but the greater world has a feeling of depth, with many names and interesting details that are just the sort of thing that being me to fantasy as a reader.

The close 3rd person narration has a unique voice, which it draws from its MC. It does take a little adjusting to, as the author leaves out verbs occasionally. The words “it was” can do an awful lot of work for clarities sake.

That isn’t a complaint, really. I would have found the narration easier to enjoy if it was also well focused, which is something this opening struggled with.

There is a jumble of ideas before the action really starts. They’re good ideas, but they aren’t well organized and it’s all too much too fast and I found myself skimming over the MCs navel gazing.

There is also a very serious problem with time. There was an attack on the village that morning but also there was something that led our MC to go to the wilds with his daughter and which is which is unclear.

Despite being somewhat tangled, tho, I find what is on the page is interesting, rife with personal conflict, familial responsibility, secrets, regret, and the promise of violent confrontation, which, once it finally starts, is a triumph.

Beginnings are hard because there’s so much we feel we need to reader to know about our characters and story to understand why they should keep reading, but we have to resist the urge to get everything on the page as fast as we can.

I think Carman is talented and that this debut shows promise. Now that all hell has broken loose, I find it irresistible. I’m hoping that will continue as I turn the pages. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/152489962-out-of-shadows

I noticed this book, as well as others, have no paperback available. That surprises me, because a descent, simple paperback isn’t difficult to put together. I’d be willing to help make one for a small fee. I know indie budgets are tight. Open offer.

Day 68

178. Lyra Wolf, That Good Mischief
     This book has style. It has a fun, mischievous voice and is easy to read. I can’t make much of the prologue/ch1, but ch2 is active, and the MCs gender shifting is interesting and well handled.

But this is book 3 in a series, and the beginning certainly doesn’t stand alone. Nothing is really set up or introduced. That would be a problem for me, I think, even if I had read the other books.

I thought the blogs were supposed to bet their submissions to make sure they qualified for the blog-off, but I suppose if authors aren’t honest about their books, that can make it difficult.

I think this opening is just provocative enough, but it makes me want to look at the first book, not the next page, so I pass.

179. Aaron Jackson, The Cataclysm
     Magic changes peoples over time. A boy in a city teeming with different magically changed races pals around with his friends, until he witnesses a horrible murder by an unlikely assailant.

The opening to this debut is lively, detailed, and focused on its setting and central character from the start as we follow our young scamp with a stable, simple life without care.

The banter between the young friends was charming to me. There have been quite a few stories that feature young friends fooling about, and I find I’m a fan, personally.

The dialogue here is balanced well with the narration and descriptions of our setting, which is well detailed, but in a way that comes alive instead of feeling like a stuffy catalogue.

The prose is a pleasure to read. It was informative, focused, developed the story, and made for an easy read without being simple.

The opening takes a drastic, and unexpectedly welcome turn when our MC suddenly finds himself at the scene of a murder and in a tête-à-tête with the killer.

I don’t want to say more and feel I have already spoiled some of the surprise in this opening, but with a name like The Cataclysm, this was not the shock I was expecting. But this is only the beginning!

I am delighted with the beginning. It manages different tones well. I feel I’m in great hands. This debut, released a year ago, has only 7 ratings on GR! Dear friends, I recommend it to your attention. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60128655-the-cataclysm