NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!
You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite
- Laurie Janey @lauriejaney, THE CROSSING
Great opening line. Really interesting, and immediately establishes a character goal. The writing is inviting and competent. The author knows how to use imagery.
I’m not really sure where we are, though. More setting context would be good. The significance of THE EVENT that starts our story is totally lost on me. Our MC tells us it’s significant, but I don’t get to experience it or understand why.
My confusion continues as I don’t understand why our MC is doing anything he’s doing. The author gives me that he “has to do X,” but … why?
The action of the story is in front of me, but the story of the story is oddly withheld.
However, I’m confident that as the story progresses I’ll understand more of the context – and I really need to it I’m going to enjoy this.
The world the story is slowly developing is interesting, with lots of interesting little details. And I’d like to find out more of what’s going on, so I’m in for now.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/67878615-the-crossing
Also, this is really more sci-fi than fantasy and should have probably been entered into spfbo’s sister blog-off. But I’m a reader, not a judge, so I don’t care.
- Samuel Hinton, SOUL RELIC
Prologue. We begin with comic book style violence, and that’s fine. It’s active. There are characters here. Most of them are dead. Most of them are also gods.
The prose reads well. Our MC is appropriately otherworldly, though still seemingly grounded. The descriptions of his power make me feel I’m in good hands.
It is strange to start with a prologue that takes place 8 years AFTER ch1. I almost feel tricked. I wanted the story to go forward from this interesting beginning, but maybe it still will.
The competence of this Greek inspired – Zelazny-esque? – story has me wanting to read more, though. I want to see if a compelling narrative emerges. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/157037964-soul-relic
- Benjamin Aeveryn @BenjaWrites SALT IN THE WOUND
A fallen earth changed by rain. Clawed monsters lurking amongst the moss-covered ruins. A band of miscreants looking for treasure.
I already own this book and I’m already glad I do. It begins with perfect competence. In a page I already feel grounded in the world & characters.
The world is uniquely strange (who doesn’t want a fresh setting for their fantasy?). The characters have a Mad Max, disaster punk aesthetic about them. I’ve barely started and I’m totally taken in.
I’m excited to read more of this. Something in it reminds me of my favorite anime of the 90s & 00s. It’s active! And at about 350 pages, I expect that to continue! Without reservations, I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/126583247-salt-in-the-wound
- CM Kerley, THE HUMMINGBIRD’s TEAR
I may be unfairly impatient with this one, but it’s such a stark contrast to my precious read. We begin with a long, Silmarillion style mythic worldbuilding prologue.
Tolkien’s friends and publisher were right to dissuade him from writing the Silmarillion until after he had written his masterpiece, The Lord of the Rings, which pulls us into Middle Earth with its characters.
The Lord of the Rings so captivated readers that it sends them into the Silmarillion looking for deeper understanding of Tolkien’s world (and just more of his writing).
Ground me in the world through characters who want something (even if it’s just to celebrate their uncle’s incredible 111th birthday) and you have a story.
Keep the story moving, and the worldbuilding will add interesting and exciting context to the story of the character.
I don’t have any prose notes for this book b/c there are just no characters for me to hang my hat on. For this breezy read through I’m doing, this just … doesn’t have anything for me. It’s bland. Pass.
- Sean Gibson, The Camelot Shadow
Another okay prologue. I feel like I’m doing my homework with some of these. Like, okay, I guess I’ll need to know this later maybe… can I start the story now?
Something happens in the prologue, so that’s good, but it’s purposely(?) being as obscure as possible about its characters & motivations. No names, no context, the details are fairly flat and bland.
The prose in ch.1 immediately is more descriptive and has a more distinct and inviting voice. Could be clearer, but I’d rather be reading this.
There is a pretense towards a Dickensian style. It is a little labored, but I appreciate that the author isn’t in a rush, and is taking their time introducing our MC.
Ch2 is not a second chapter, it is the second beat or ch1. I don’t really care about these typographical idiosyncrasies though, as long as there is a story developing. I’m still waiting for one here.
All I know after all these words is a man who likes to read is going to a party he doesn’t want to go to. There’s a slight turn at the end of ch1 in his mood that I don’t at all understand.
There are several lines on ch1 that, I think, are meant to express something about our character that I also don’t understand.
I commented recently that slow beginnings are definitely not bad (see Heliotrope in this competition) but there’s too little here for me. I expect that’s why the prologue was included, tho I’m not sure what it’s promising…
Too much emphasis on writerly writing, scenery, telling me about the character, the loose abstraction of his thoughts. Having glanced at the dialogue in ch2, it seems fine, but a bit boring. I’ll pass.
If it wasn’t already evident, I’m not reading the descriptions of any of these books. I generally dislike them anyway, and prefer to go in blind. A promising summary isn’t a substitute for an engaging opening.
- (J.E. Purrazi, The Legend of Tawhiri)
This story starts straightforwardly enough. The prose is flat-footed, but competent – occasional undeserved purplish description or awkwardness aside. But it’s all fairly ordinary.
And then we’re told a very weird, otherworldly thing about our MC that apparently happens often in this village, and I really really need way more information b/c I don’t understand.
The lack of clarity around this (I imagine) critical story detail that could have been so so interesting has shattered my faith in this story.
It is surely the most important piece of these opening pages, and I’m frustratingly confused when I should be intrigued and excited. Pass.
- Rebecca Schmid @ScharaReeves, ASKEFISE
Great opening. Character voice, concise details, something’s happening, there’s a sense of spirit. This is present tense prose done right.
Schmid does a fine job of starting this story in motion. All of our characters want something that isn’t easy for them to get. We start with a chance meeting that is itself a complication.
Characters are steadily revealed, and the reader is peppered with intriguing snatches of worldbuilding: a traveler who’s risked his life crossing the Forest of Riddles, something called Gifting…
I think this is great. The characters feel rock solid and unique. I’m already invested in all three of them. This fantasy romance is 500pgs, but I feel I could read it in a weekend! I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/174710321-askefise
This book came out last year and has only 1 review on GR!? Based on the quality I’m seeing, we’ve all been missing out on something wonderful. Let’s change that!
- S.M. Carter @sheldoncarSter, TO STEAL THE SUN
Cool title. Active opening. A scarred, stuttering, female assassin in a West Asian inspired setting. What’s not to like?
The 3rd person close prose is controlled, direct, purposeful, and manages to introduce us to our MCs voice very well. She is motivated. She’s smart. She’s going to kill someone.
The setting gradually reveals itself to us. We aren’t deluged with exposition. The details are precise and immersive. No fantasy genericism here.
Is she going to succeed? Or is something far more complicated going to unfold? Lesbian romance you say? I couldn’t be more sold. I’m in! Great stuff.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60664723-to-steal-the-sun
- Dani Fitzgerald @danfitzwrites, THE LIVING WATERS
This reminds me of Ellen Kushner’s writing. It is heavily reliant on dialogue. The dialogue is good, but is there enough here? It does feel unique, the MC a gentle academic…
More descriptive prose is finding its way onto the page, and I find myself relaxing into the story. I don’t know where this is going, but I’m enjoying it.
Our departing graduate (or some kind, some more detail here would be appreciated) gets a special unabridged book complete with marginalia, and I feel taken in by his quiet earnestness.
It might have been nice if the MC discovered things about the book instead of just being told, but I think this will be an interesting and calming read. I like that sensibility.
I don’t know a great deal about where I am, but I know our gentle academic from a wealthy family is headed for an adventure of self discovery of sorts on a river, and that’s enough. I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58929978-the-living-waters
- (Naomi P Cohen, THE FAY OF CASTLE GARDEN)
Oh geez. That’s a very purple opening … and not one that totally makes sense. We’ve passed from purple fully into try-hard poetry. I’ve been there myself. I know the temptation to WRITE.
It’s particularly jarring here because the prose immediately shifts in tone to a much more commonplace narrative, but is still plagued by the oddly nonsensical turn of phrase, or awkward construction.
I’m struggling to construct a coherent critique of what else isn’t working for me from the following pages. Something is happening, but this just isn’t very well done.
I know that isn’t useful feedback. The prose isn’t very good. There’s some magic, but nothing else is interesting. The details are flat, the people & setting generic. The occasional pretense towards writerly writing is just that.
The MC’s actions are over-the-top. It’s like a crap tv show. Cheap fun can be wonderful. But this isn’t fun. It’s unfocused, and, I hate to say it, but kinda dumb. Pass.
If you’re not interested in the details of your story, try not to labor your reader with bland repetitions of the same generic details over and over. Be brief, but find a way to make it lively.
You don’t have to describe bodies. You don’t have to position bodies. Novels don’t have to work like film. You don’t have to arrange people on screen.
You don’t have to throw me random details about the street if the story has nothing to do with the street and the street isn’t interesting. Energy, emotion, conflict. Prose can do so much.
I’m sure it sounds like I’m being too hard on this text. It isn’t devoid of value. Far from it.
Tom Mock 
Leave a comment