Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

21. (Gregory Kontaxis, THE RETURN OF THE KNIGHTS)
    An unfortunately short first chapter. We’ve introduced a character (though we haven’t gotten a very good look at him) and now we’ve departed for others. Vague introspection. Who is this?

He’s walking in a reverie, but I don’t get access to his thoughts, save that he’s left everyone behind for this. What’s this? Who and what has he left behind? We’re not told…

What he’s doing isn’t so interesting to justify the mystery. There’s some swordplay, though it’s over in a flash, and the dialog that comes before it feels heavy-handed to me. Cliché.

The prose is fairly generic. There is some action here, but the story is strangely withheld from me. I think there’s a battle looming? But where I am, with who, and what any of it means to them, I haven’t a clue.

This could be good if given a chance to settle in. I like knights. But I have too many other books to look at that have managed their openings better. Pass.

22. (J.W. Judge, CASUAL BUSINESS WITH FAIRIES)
    Purple-ish prose – not as heavy as some, but there’s still that inclination from the author to really wow em out of the gate, but we’re not writing poetry.

I’m seeing some of my own debuts’ drafts in this, and that’s making me have a more than usual negative reaction.

I may also be put off by the We’re Southern and That Means X stuff. I grew up in North Carolina & disagree with what the narrator is telling me.

THESE characters are this way. That’s enough. Is this a story about them, or Southern Culture? We know people are pressured by their environment to behave certain ways.

This opening also feels like a throw away conversation to introduce a divorced couple and a child’s missing tooth. The author can write believable dialogue, but realism isn’t enough to be interesting – & believe me, I feel like I’m talking to myself here.

Every beat in this opening over stayed its welcome. The second half (a tedious conversation with a non-character) could have been summarized in a few sentences. I expect the hook will come in ch.2, but that’s too late. Pass.

23. JD Mitchell @JeremyM90826383, Springtide Harvest
    This introduces its characters and setting gradually. Something’s happening, a little street-corner romance, a confrontation, some backstory, a fight, and that’s all to its credit.

However, the prose is a little purple for me, and by the end of the first section dips into the cliché. It’s melodramatic, but that can be enjoyable sometimes.

The setting seems to be generic DnD fantasy, but that can be enjoyable, and the details here are good, & our MC remains the vehicle for the story. Good.

We have another MC on a journey of self discover. He’s a bit more of a rogue tho, going from straight to crooked. I think he’s in for some rude awakenings.

I would have liked something more interesting to happen in the later half of ch.1. Our MC seems to have a conscious, but we don’t see him do anything with it.

There was some family corruption I thought maybe he could interfere with before skipping town. This still deserves more than 1 ch from me. I’ll read more.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61961240-springtide-harvest

24. (Wilbur Seymore, Young Wytch)
    Another opening that’s a bit over written. There’s some loose verb usage, trying to make the words overly expressive. Hair doesn’t really swat. Deer don’t scavenge.

This is in present tense, and, as I’ve said before, I often dislike present tense because authors fall into very physical, move-by-move prose, which gives the story a monotonous feel. This hunting scene is no exception.

There are some immersive details, but there’s something unpleasant about this. It’s stiff, lacks emotion, and bland. Severe prose must be precise, almost poetic in its simplicity or inventive exactness, and it’s subjects must be interesting. This isn’t. I’m out.

25. Anne Mattias, KINGSRISE
    This has a good police-detective procedural feel. It’s competent, but it’s a bit dry. Our author’s descriptions of the characters are short and to the point.

I’ve read slow, competent detective books like this before. It’s dragging a bit too much with description and internality, and at over 500 pages, I worry that won’t change, but that’s a me issue more than a book issue.

I think this might be just the thing for anyone who wished Broadchurch had a magical twist to its mystery. I’ll add it to my list. This deserves a chance.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/75714280-kingsrise?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_9

26. Samuel Gately, RISE OF THE FALSEMARKED
    Oh no. This is really good. Immediately interesting, paced like a tightening wire that in waiting to see snap, great sense of voice with a wonderful spy/noir cross-genre feel.

Our author wonderfully resists explaining every name and detail right away, giving me only what I need to know to feel a sense of anticipation. We don’t learn what these organizations are all at once.

There is a block of exposition that comes off a little clunky trying to get the reader up to speed on some background and economics (not usually a thrilling read), but we’re back to the scene in no time.

I’m really smitten with this. The prose is controlled, the scope of implications for the plot feel big and significant beyond the individual characters, and the voice is a knockout.

This is going way, way up to the top of my list. I’m a big fan of noir, 007, & Steven Brust’s genre-bent crime fantasy, and this is ringing all those bells. And it’s a tight 300pgs?! Paging @douglaslumsden1 @althazyr
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34337279-rise-of-the-falsemarked

27. Rosalie Oaks @rosalieoaks, THE LADY JEWEL DIVINER
    Delightful sense of voice. Very much a British Regency mystery, but it doesn’t drag one bit. Ch1’s title, “In Which A Spinster Vampire Introduces Herself To Elenor,” was almost enough for me on its own.

I found myself relaxing into the polite chatter of the characters, one a young lady with divining powers, the other a vampire small enough to fit in the palm of her hand.

This surprise visitors introduction shows a real sense of humor on the part of our author, and the prose is pleasant to read, moving right along.

This seems like it will be a very nice read. A Sunday spent with this book might be just the thing to lift someone out of a low mood. Happy to see it’s a series. I’d like to read more!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56247606-the-lady-jewel-diviner?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=AaG4adYOaz&rank=1

28. W.D. Seitz, The Beauty of Dawn
    Another opening that’s going a bit too hard on the purple prose $ faux poeticism. It’s easy to do too much of this stuff and seem more try-hard than grimdark.

I’m honestly torn about this one. There’s some interesting details, we’re very slowly introducing our character, telling the reader who they are and showing some of their home life …

I’m interested in the medieval setting, interested in the idea of some kind of knights Templar, but I find myself unmotivated to continue to ch2.

The limited dialogue was lackluster. Maybe too modern? This almost feels like a prologue instead of ch1 because nothing much happens.

There’s a little familial tension, but it goes nowhere and too much time is spent on it. It lacks energy. I might give this more time if I had picked it up in a different context, but: Pass.

29. Darran Handshaw @engineer7601, The Dark Heart of Redemption
    This starts with forceful immediacy, in stark contrast to my previous read. Beginning on dialogue in the midst of an execution is fantastically powerful. And the dialogue leaps to life.

The narrative feels effortlessly immersed in its setting. There are many evocative names of official roles and offices that characters hold. This is active and exciting and yet subtle.

There is an implicit mystery of a princess’s accession to the throne even though she was not first in line. An unusual marriage, now this execution for treason…

This author has a deft hand for story so far. I find myself pulled irresistibly into the next chapter. And only 7 ratings? Surely that won’t last. I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61961200-the-dark-heart-of-redemption?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=OeMcKPu6iI&rank=1

SPFBO is supposed to be a standalone novel (or first in series) event and this starts with a “last time in series.” I skipped that bit, but still enjoyed what I read. I trust the judges have determined this book does stand alone.

30. (Joe Field, Watchers of the Evenfall)
    This one is drawing heavily from the Werewolf World of Darkness setting. That’s fine by me, I love that game, and the opening is evocatively strange & magical.

As a writing note: you can describe things in your story without having to tell me a character glances at it – especially if your MC has no reason to look except for you to describe something to me. I’ll understand the story is through their eyes.

I’m worried the nature of this shadow realm, what our character is doing in it, and it’s prophetic potential are a bit unclear. I don’t have a problem with cryptic magic stuff, but …

I feel like the intention of this section is for us to understand what is happening because our MC understands it, and it’s setting up important context for the novel. This is too murky.

It sounds really cool, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t understand it well enough, and I need to for what’s happening to work.

The start of ch1 is clearer, but … overwritten? The dialogue is blabber. It has humorous intent, but doesn’t work for me. Emotional continuity for our new MC is lacking.

I’m also being told things that it feels like the author then hand waves because it would be inconvenient – i.e. our MC can’t talk for a few days, except then she’s talking fine, but no comment from our wizard-guy?

I find my interest has deflated. This is probably a fun ttrpg style adventure, and I’m interested to hear what the judges think, but this opening has me nonplussed. I’ll pass.