NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!
You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite
- (Regeneration by Cassie Greutman)
I’m put off the prose from the first paragraph. It’s very YA. Is that a non-descriptive thing to say? I don’t say it as if YA is bad. I’ve loved YA books. Would FanFictiony be more descriptive? Amateurish? It feels fast and loose. Ungrounded. Unfocused.
We’re slipping between MC thought and 1st person narration. It’s very MC focused, like I’m on the phone with them and they’re breathlessly talking to me. They see things but I don’t, just hear their reaction. No description. How did we get here? Slow down and help me understand.
The emotions are also hyperbolic. Big emotion is good, but coming from the scene and the stakes, not just because. We’re all over the place. No one thing seems important. Something magical just happened, but it’s been glossed over. I’m out. Pass.
- Alexander Wyatt @Alex_hopchurch, THE FIRES OF TIME
I don’t mind stories written for a younger audience (Brian Jacques is grand), and I was worried based on the prologue this might be a little young for me, but I was rewarded for sticking with it. And only 3 ratings on goodreads? I doubt that’ll last.
I’m not following the conversation about magic too well. It seems bland, but there are characters here. They’re my focus, and the prose is well written. There could have been a more interesting subject for our MC’s lesson, is all.
The decay of the city (a popular setting this year). Our author has buried the lead. The wealth of the city is past, we’re told, so no armies want to invade. But armies invade for all kinds of reasons. B/c one city is on the way to another; b/c of lands…
But then, everything about my impression of the city changes when I learn the death of some sorcerer queen has caused magical chaos, especially at sea. THAT’S why our city is “safe.” Because it’s a magical mine-field!
That’s also the kind of thing I would have like to glimpse in the prologue magic lesson. Just a slice! It would be so so much more interesting. I might have stopped reading before I ever got this far if my AC wasn’t out.
It makes me feel the prologue isn’t necessary. The introduction I get to our MC rushing about with her effortless magical foresight, climbing and leaping, but inexplicably unable to leave this city is so so much more interesting! It really grabs me.
The prose is natural, inviting, tinged with bits of wonder – the All-Queen, the clock-horses, an almost sentient wall. This has become very interesting. The 500 pg length gives me pause. I’m worried about bloat, but I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/123207246-the-fires-of-time?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_22
- (Ravens Dagger @RavensDagger LOVE CRAFTED )
I wasn’t ready for this, but it’s surprised me, it just took a few pages to honestly start. Murderbot Lovecraft mages school! Bizarre, silly, cute, and doesn’t take itself too seriously.
We start with a city panorama and then get to our characters 1-2 pages in. It seems like a lot of authors really want to outline their world building right away, then introduce character/scene, and I think that gets things the wrong way around.
The girls doing alchemy is much more interesting to me than the cliff-note city tour. It does a better job of distinguishing this fantasy from any other.
This book doesn’t really START until we hit the second-person POV. I wrote a short-short story in this POV, and though I shrink from reading a book in it, this quickly finds its voice.
It’s just strange enough that it’s working like a song. I’ve been flung into something very odd & unique. This is cosmic horror-punk/comedy. It would have been much better if we got to THIS faster.
I’ve hit chapter 2 and I don’t want to stop. What can I say? I’m defenseless. I’m in your capable meat-sticks, dear author. I think, and I don’t say this lightly, this may be the work of a mad genius. I don’t know if it can sustain its 264 pg count, but we’ll see!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56526957-love-crafted?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=0Hq3S0XwaE&rank=3
- (Shawn McGee, Wild Eyes Southern Boy)
There’s a lot to say about this next one on a very short space. The prose is conversational – to a fault, maybe, but it’s easy to read. The problem is it isn’t building a story.
We’re all over the place. The MC is getting shot at (don’t know by who or why), running in the woods, changing (in the woods?), mentioning people by name with no context… I want to author to settle down and develop a
- (RK Brainerd, Jagged Emerald City)
Some nice interior sketches, but I’m here to talk writing. The prose starts a bit too purple. I would, as often as possible, avoid poetic references to the soul. They’re usually trite.
This is another book that’s plopped me down into a scene where I’m having trouble orienting myself. If this were a movie, it’d be one thing, but there is a distinct lack of descriptive narration.
Character voice is not a substitute for scene. You have to orient your reader. What is happening? Where are we? I don’t need heaps of details, just plain, coherent sentences to ground me.
If what’s happening is interesting (and in this case, it is) you don’t have to worry about boring prose. The action will rivet me, but I need to KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. A string of MC asides won’t give me that.
Finally, at the bottom of page 2, I learn we’re fighting a demon and it’s the first our MC has ever tracked down. This is what you lead with so I can understand the stakes of the scene.
Prose continues to be awkward. Clear descriptions of setting and action are hard to come by. This seems like the kind of urban fantasy I would really enjoy, but I have to pass based on this opening.
You won’t make your story active just by using interesting verbs. They can get in the way of a clear story. “I realized” is clearer and draws less attention to itself than “my mind burped up.”
It’s tempting to want every word to wow your reader, but every sentence doesn’t need to be a high note. In fact, it can’t be. Showy prose calls our attention to things. Make your life easier. Be selective about what you emphasize.
- (Cam Sinclair, Shadow of the Winter Moon)
Good dialogue, starting with characters, but the prose is too purple for me. Another case of trying to wow with every line, but at least this is clear.
This is a good example of over-writing. The prose is slowing down a scene that would otherwise feel active. It’s fun, but it’s also dragging. If we cut 1/2 the word count, this opening would be lighter, faster, and more engaging.
Though over-written, the prose is reminding me a bit of Brian Jacques work, and that’s to its credit. Something mundane but surprising happens early on, but I don’t think the reaction of our MCs is interesting.
People die of heart attacks all the time. I don’t see any reason why our MCs would think they would be blamed for this and need to run. It’s too thin for me, and I’m worried the rest of the book will be this way. Pass.
- Trevor Malenson @trevormalenson, Trial of the Alchemist
The prose reminds me somewhat of Dickens’ present tense work. This is also 3rd person present, and competently introduces our scene and characters. Alchemists, a murder trial! Go on.
There is a dry humor to the prose. Our trial will proceed thus: elixirs will vividly enliven the accused’s memory, and he will be interrogated by an alchemist who will see all he sees.
He is surely guilty, all in attendance believe, and they don’t stop short of saying so, to the mixed provocation and discouragement of the red-faced judge.
The dialogue is as steady as the accused seems confident. Only the truth can set him free, he says. But is that what we’re really going to get? I want to know. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/75581497-trial-of-the-alchemist?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_22
- The Bachelor’s Valet, Arden Powell @ardenpowell
This is Jeeves & Wooster fan-fiction of the best kind. The writing is distinctly Wodehousian: fun and playfully British.
It may be developing slightly slower than a Wodehouse story, but if you’re interested in a distinctly British, queer romance comedy in 20s London with the promise of a little magic (of which I haven’t yet seen any sign), this is for you! I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/156929909-the-bachelor-s-valet?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=CUyMUbzCl1&rank=1
- Heliotrope, Palmer Pickering
Wonderfully quiet, competent, understated opening. The prose is among the absolute best I’ve read so far. I find myself entrusting my attention to the author completely.
An old man lays a mosaic on the queen’s balcony. He is a former soldier and has a missing son. A Prince, who many say is sickly, silently watches him from a balcony hidden by a pair tree.
It is all so richly detailed, and steadily, easily constructed, I almost feel I am having a peaceful dream. The silence promises so much. I do not believe the peace will last.
I have rarely enjoyed reading anything more. I cannot stop now. At nearly 800pgs, I worry this book may go a bit long in places, bit if it’s all as pleasurable to read as this, I’m not sure I’ll mind.
This just the sort of detailed writing I imagine @plstuartwrites would like. I’m certainly taken by it. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61357947-heliotrope?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=4awJd92K5Q&rank=2
- K.R.R. Lockhaven @Kyles137, MRS. COVINGTON’S
Here’s yet another book with prose that’s inviting and easy to read, and isn’t wasting any time getting characters talking to each other, which I find is a great way to ground me in the story.
The content of their conversation isn’t grabbing me. Our young man is talking to the captain of a ship for the first time and they’re suddenly having an all too deep heart-to-heart.
It’s like the author skipped to the part where the story is moving and impactful, but you just can’t do that. It won’t work. (I’ve been guilty of it myself).
They could have this conversation once they’d had some experiences together that I got to be a part of, or if they were just referenced (their relationship just being a jumping off point for the story).
I love sailing stories, but the idea that a young man needs to toughen up before anyone will take him on as a ship‘s hand doesn’t make sense to me. Working the ropes is where you toughen up. See Captains Courageous.
This criticism is obviously very particular to this story. It’s a small detail, but motivation issues can add up fast. There’s an opportunity here for us to learn more about our MC’s character.
His not knowing anything about sailing is reason enough for this particular captain not to take him on. But if he suggested the kid take on some menial work that our MC thinks beneath him that could promise growth later on.
That’s obviously not necessary. I’m just not sure what this conversation is actually doing, so I’m trying to make it do something.
I expect this is a cozy, fun read, and I do want to see more of it because of the setting, the pleasure of the prose, and the MC’s journey of self discovery.
My friends and I also have an affinity for capybara. I’m suspicious this story actually starts in Ch.2, and this was an unnecessary preamble. I want to read more to find out. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/150527212-mrs-covington-s?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_10
Tom Mock 
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