By Blood, By Salt | Gabriel’s Journey | A Song Of Octavan |
I wanted to read more form the SPFBOX champion and a quaint fieldmouse story. A third opening from a romantic fantasy didn’t quite do enough to hook me.
(from Captured In Words)
148. JL Odom, By Blood, By Salt
For 14 years our minority MC has borne witness to the annual blood sacrifice of his people by the empire to commemorate their victory. He can do nothing to stop it, and so he watches the city turn red.
Deserts seem like an emerging theme in this years spfbox submissions – at least in many of the stories that have stood out to me. And this opening absolutely stands out.
This reads like a particularly adult fantasy – I mean in its sensibilities and competence. The subject matter is weighty, and maturely rendered. The text tells us everything we need to know to appreciate the scene, but it shows us even more.
Our MC is jeered at by children. He ignores them. He is cautioned thoughtfully, even kindly, by a guard before the square of sacrifice that he had better stay clear of there today. And yet the guard refers to him as a “jackal” (what I suspect is a slur).
At least those people to be put to death in ritual celebration of the empire’s victory are criminals. And maybe some of them even are. The old man who goes to his death cowed by fear was seditious, we are told. And so his death is just?
The killing weighs on our MC. It is awful to him. He bears witness. He says a prayer. And when it is over he all but flees the scene.
This opening is a tour de force of psychology: the psychology of Empire, of the spectacle of racial and cultural supremacy, of the fervent, dominant celebrants, and of the oppressed minority who see the horror all too clearly for what it is.
They see it, but can do nothing. They are almost numb to it, but it is impossible not to feel everything when present with such a spectacle. And perhaps that is why they come to bear witness. They do not want to turn their back on what is happening.
The prose here is precise and evocative. It is rich with details that ground the reader in the setting as well as the MC’s experience. It is measured and steady in its narration. It is in no hurry, and yet every page is full, and no words are wasted.
The dialogue sounds like people talking. It reveals character, and doesn’t take up space. It isn’t chatty. The spectacle of sacrifice overbears the scene. Everything else is pretext.
The narrative does something powerful, however, in holding back the bloody truth of this day of celebration just long enough. Any writer may have been tempted to lead with the ritual executions to be. Odom suppresses this at first.
This makes space in the narrative to establish the setting and briefly introduce our MC, but most significantly it mirrors some of the tension and foreboding our MC must surely be feeling.
The executions are not a light matter. Our MC is putting them off in his mind. Every step he takes brings him closer to a moment that he has witnessed 13 times before. He knows exactly what will happen again this day, but it is like the first time.
Such things are too terrible to get used to.
It is not difficult to see, based on the strength of this opening, how By Blood, By Salt was a 1st place finalist from this years books. This is serious fiction.
Glancing ahead, I see more POV characters emerging. I’m deeply interested to see how the tone of these 3rd person POVs differ, and what direction this narrative is going to take. Go and buy it and read it. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/208819132-by-blood-by-salt
149. Thomas J Prestopnik, Gabriel’s Journey
Field mice collect themselves after a brutal storm while a blackbird tells them a nearby barn, like the ruin of a haunted castle to them, burned down in the night.
With delight I find that this is a Redwall style (maybe more The Secret of NIHM) mouse story with talking animals living their quaint little lives.
It’s written in a colorful but approachable 3rd person pov, and feels accessible to audiences as young as Middle Grade readers.
The characters are wholesome people (mice) and a significantly more bold blackbird. The dialogue sounds like people (mice) talking, and has good energy while also develops our sense of place.
That place is a huge (to our characters) countryside of hills and grass between the dark forest and the road (that people (humans) presumably made). A stream runs through it all like a river.
The natural environment is invitingly described. I’m eager to see how the destruction of the not-so abandoned barn in the distance affects the lives of our simple field mice, as there is a suggestion of menace to come.
My critique is all based on ch2, which is really more chapter 1 of the novel, whereas the listed ch1 is more an establishing prologue that, tho also colorful, I found overwritten and unnecessary.
For me, everything starts working in ch2. Characters begin to come to life more slowly that the setting, but a story is looming. Change has come to our quiet field. The storm has passed, but the danger, I fear, is far from over.
It’s a quiet start, but an inviting one. The descriptions of our characters are all pitch perfect and charming. Their meek contrast with the outgoing blackbird makes the world come alive. it’s fun and cozy. Just 0.99c! I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21546431-gabriel-s-journey
150. RC Ballad, A Song Of Octavan: a queer fantasy romance
A magic student who is popular and charming but guards his true self talks to a magical spirit in the sewers about a girl he wants to get to know.
This romantasy has a light tone. It has a nicely detailed 3rd person pov that does a decent job of establishing the world of the story without burying that story in world building.
I think the opening pages overdo their efforts at characterizing our young MC for us. Maybe I just got a little mixed up by the various descriptions of him and his various feelings.
We’re told a great deal about our MCs personality, but the facts are all rather flat. We don’t really get many details of how his behavior manifests itself.
There is an important line about him not letting anyone too close, and this feels central to the problem of the moment – his wanting to get to know some girl better – but it feels buried amongst everything else.
The ancient spirit who likes, for some reason, to hang out in the sewers is an interesting idea with which to start this story, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be put to any use except as an ear for our MC to establish, thinly, his problem.
I say thinly because we don’t particularly learn anything about this girl he’s interested in or how he has or has not tried to approach her so far. Additionally, the spirit is no help at all.
Our MC goes into the sewers expressly and only to ask the spirit if it can help him without any idea (for us) what the spirit might be able to do, only for it to come to nothing. The scene feels like an excuse to introduce something magical. That seems all it is.
The kinds of things our MC and spirit usually talk about and the basis for their unusual friendship (say how it got started) also don’t appear. What we get is cute enough, but that’s all.
The scene, and thus the opening of this novel, ends up feeling unnecessary. There’s a playful aspect to this story, and the prose & dialogue are competent enough, but the opening has left me unsatisfied rather than intrigued.
A young magic student who pretends to be oh so secure but isn’t doesn’t know how to talk to a girl at his school. If you like romantasy and this sounds like a character type you’d enjoy reading about, have a look. It’s just missed me. I pass.
Follow along by joining the newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/wuOG1f
My books: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17124217.Tom_Mock
Tom Mock 
Leave a comment