Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

180. Daan Katz, Night’s Reign
     Here’s another opening I’m torn about. Prologues are the death of some of these books. Sometimes they can feel like a pre-writing exercise that doesn’t particularly do anything for the story…

Generally, I’m not a fan of following a character from the moment of their birth, but that isn’t the problem here. The prose, I think, is good. It’s expressive, clear, even inventive at times, but it does very little for me as a reader looking for a story.

This doesn’t orient me in the setting or in the life of the MC. It is so narrowly interested in how the MC feels (her contraction pains, vague thoughts about drugs, wishing she was with a dead(?) lover) that it tells me almost nothing.

I eventually come to realize she’s in some abandoned temple to some goddess. What goddess? Where are we? Why is she giving birth here? Why is she destitute? Who are all these people she thinks of who have died? How did they die? We aren’t told.

An acolyte of some kind shows up (why?) to attend her birth, whisks her and the baby away somewhere nice, the baby lives, our new mother dies to the melodramatic cries of the acolyte, and I feel our story is none the better for it.

The one thing I feel I come away with is the 3rd person close MC’s voice, and now she is dead. I have a vignette of birth pains, our MCs abstracted, distraught thoughts, an angel of mercy appears, the child is named, the end.

I can’t quite summon the urge to continue reading. There is nothing to propel me forward in the story. It feels over, and at the same time it doesn’t feel like it started.

This teases a story that I am never given: how and why our MC in labor has come to be here, where here is, and what it means for her newborn.

As a reader, I need to know more than how a character physically feels to be immersed in a story. I suspect this will open up more in ch1, but that’s too little too late. Sorry. Pass.

181. Tracy M Joyce, Rada
     In a guarded chamber, the lady of a high house has given birth to a daughter with birth defects who she must protect from superstition if the girl is to live.

This opening comes in two parts: one focuses on the rambunctiousness of our high lady’s older daughter Rada, the other on the lady post-labor, which introduces the conflicts that propel this story forward.

I don’t have much to say about the older daughter. Her section of the opening feels like it goes on too long. It is energetic, and I enjoyed her playfulness to a point, but her voice was a bit much. If this were half-as long, I would have enjoyed it twice as much.

Once the narrative turns to our high lady, however, the story quickly grabs hold of me. The narration grows up. It is clear and pointed. There is high drama. The dialogue is strong, and revealing of character.

The midwife is not attending the birth on behalf of our mother. She is doing someone else’s bidding (the father, I presume). Our lady, exhausted from birth, cannot rest. The life of her new daughter depends on what she does now.

Her servant women are as strong-willed as she is, and ready with their daggers. This feels like a story rich with intrigue, familial and political complications, and high stakes. Once it properly starts, it’s gripping stuff.

Despite my criticism, now that this is underway, it’s moving fast and has won my confidence. I want to learn more about who all these characters are and about their dangerously complicated relationships. I read this all morning. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33389741-rada

Day 70

182. Jamie Jackson @VillainLeaning, The Sparrow and the Oak Tree
     A court sorceress, escorted by a mercenary from a secret order, ride to a misty town to investigate a missing boy – at least, so their story goes…

The atmosphere here is appealingly grey. There’s a feeling of isolation about our two travelers and they try to reach this distant town by nightfall before the wolves come out. These details lend a promise of danger to the story. I’m not confident all will turn out alright.

There are aspects of this that remind me of the Witcher stories. The dialogue is conversational. The characters are guarded. Magic seems to have many uses. The promised mystery feels like a good blend of genres, at least for now.

The prose is competent 3rd person close on our sorceress. She seems to like the finer things in life. This was clear and easy to read, balancing its narration and dialogue well. I do love good dialogue.

The narration introduces us to the primary details of the story piecemeal, but steadily. There is a town, our sorceress has a job, her escort, to her surprise, isn’t a knight, she hasn’t been sent to do what she says.

The teasing out of these details, along with other snatches of world-building, pull me into the story. Teasing our information is the lifeblood of a good mystery, I think, and I’m finding that sensibility here.

This opening dialogue between our travelers did feel like it went on too long. At times I don’t feel they’re talking to each other, but to the reader, supplying us with bits of world-building, but many of those beats make both characters seem unworldly.

They’ve been riding together for some time, I’m not sure how long, but it seems like they’ve said nothing to each other until now, and been told nothing about one another. They haven’t even been introduced.

We learn that names have power, and our sorceress advises her escort that he shouldn’t tell her his. The information is interesting, but I’m surprised he wouldn’t know that. I don’t understand why she would say it to him.

Think of Earthsea, a world where names have a great deal of power. No one gets to know your true name but those you trust and love most. This doesn’t have to go that far, but I find myself wondering how common magic users are in the world, because these two seem fairly casual about it all.

Additionally, I found this had a slow start and might have liked if it had started several paragraphs in. but if it had been a little tighter, I think it would have been a knockout because I like all the ideas here, and the turn at the end is wonderful. If I liked it less, I would’ve had less to say.

I see it is a semi-finalist. That isn’t hard for me to believe, and it gives me confidence that this story is going to get stronger as it settles in. I’m eager to learn more about these characters, this world, and this mystery. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63347302-the-sparrow-and-the-oak-tree

As I add this on goodreads, I see it is also categorized under romance. I find myself even more intrigued than I was before. I’ll definitely have to read more of it soon. Dead author, thank you for your labor.

183. Mitchell Hogan @HoganMitchell, Crucible of Lies
     A god-emperor’s infiltrates the mind of the latest assassin sent to kill him in this uniquely dark, psychologically tinged fantasy.

Very stylish and 1st person pov voice driven, our amoral god emperor who has lived longer than time reminds me of Moorcock’s elven empire from his Elric books – suave, indifferent to suffering, incredibly powerful, and hedonistic.

The voice flows and flows, pulling me into the world of the story, steadily detailing aspects of the magic and hinting at political machinations behind this assassination attempt.

Both emperor and assassin feel like characters, though our assassin is hardly talkative – and she has good reason not to be. She’s no fool. The scant glimpses we get of the court are equally evocative. This feels well focused.

I don’t yet understand how this narrative is going to unfold, but it seems to alternate 1st person narrators between our emperor and his assassin, plunging back through her memory.

I’m not sure what the emperor is doing, nor what the purpose of this is, but it is so unusual and well written that it invites me to read on to find out.

There’s some business about no one but him remembering the world before it ended last time. I wonder if he wants someone to remember? He says he’s going to teach her the truth of his empire. I don’t know why, but he does seem like an otherworldly sociopath, so…

Needless to say, this seems like another wonderfully unique story that I would recommend for the voice alone. I want to see how this other perspective comes together. Everything depends on that. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63836636-crucible-of-lies

Day 71

184. RJ Wheldrake, That Which The Deep Heart Knows
     I’m not exactly lost, but I’m struggling to orient myself in this story. It starts well enough, eventually, though it does what many of these books have done and obscures it’s characters at first. They are just two figures walking.

It’s alright to introduce a character gradually, but if they begin and remain nondescript and also aren’t doing anything particularly interesting, it seems a strange choice.

We start in what seems like a mournful, isolated place, only to flash back to the main narrative before much time. The prologue introduces some sense of scope for the story – a dead emperor in a misnamed grave.

The dialogue is unique. Somewhat archaic, but I think it’s well handled. But I think the prose could be clearer, and I think the storytelling could be more revealing.

Ultimately this prologue feels like it’s trying to lead with atmosphere, but it spends very little time elaborating on that atmosphere, or on its main character or setting.

I’m thinking of how an author like Dickens or Dumas would handle this, telling us about just where we were, describing the character of our old woman, how she aches, how she is dying, the mystery surrounding her, how other people treat her with deference. We get none of that.

A firmer viewpoint for the prologue would have been good. We have a nurse who doesn’t know who this old woman is, but the narrative doesn’t really use her as anything more than an excuse to get our old woman to talk.

Once ch1 starts it’s little better. In fact I think it’s even less clear what’s happening. Sorry, this is a pass.

185. JC Snow @crane_moon_snow, The Phoenix and the Sword
     A woman on the verge of deployment does the natural thing: look for someone with whom to share her fist kiss. But none of the women at this bar are interesting … until a chance meeting

This just manages to do enough to hold my interest and make me wonder where the story will go next. It reminds me very much of an anime I could have watched in the 2000s.

The low but very relatable stakes of looking for someone to share an evening with are heightened by the impending prospect of war, and the fact that our MC is thinking only or a kiss make her seem very sweet.

The scraps of worldbuilding that drift into the narrative are immersive and well placed, with different peoples and referenced languages mingling on the page.

The woman our MC chances to meet is unusual – magical even! Healing a bone deep slash in her arm in moments. I’m left to wonder whether this kind of magic in this world is unique, but it remains interesting.

This LGBTQ+ story is off to a fun start. A few is the ideas feel tossed off, but it seems like a light read with YA appeal, & is moving right along. The characters & world feel distinct. I don’t know just where this will lead, but it’s done enough. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61436178-the-phoenix-and-the-sword

186. Taylor Hartley, A Gallery for the Barbarian
     The skeleton of a man yet lives, and lives only for painting. He wanders, looking for his next subject, and finds it in the rugged, oversized person of a drunken barbarian. How he shivers in excitement to tell us the tale.

This is an odd, quirky tale, and I find that appealing. Our skeletal painter is our narrator. He is contemplative. He is strange. He wonders where his memories are stored because he no longer has any fleshy brains.

There is a subtle sense of humor about this story. It has a strong sense of voice, and rich, creative prose.

The giant personage of our barbarian reminds me something of Fahfrd from Leiber’s stories. Big and loud and deadly and jolly and maybe stupid, or just stupid with drink. I fact, the writing is not unlike Leiber’s as well.

The world of the story is emerging gradually, with some interesting names of holidays, and maybe some references to some kind of mirrors I don’t yet understand.

There is no plot as yet, but I’m curious to know just how these two strange opposites will find a story together. It isn’t hard to see how this got a semi-finalist nod. It seems like good fun! I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122933002-a-gallery-for-the-barbarian

Day 72

187. Todd Herzman, Hack, Slash, & Burn 1
     A crippled soldier leads a humbled life running a tavern in occupied territory, until he hits a drunken Imperial sergeant causing trouble … but nothing could prepare him for what comes next!

This was a fun, active opening that establishes its setting and MC very well in short order. Holy orders are mentioned (and become important), as are the rumor of demons attacking towns, a lost war, an occupation, & a hint of our hero’s failings.

The prose reminded me very much of RA Salvatore’s work, which I devoured in my teens and shaped my early reading. This is clear, active, descriptive prose. It leaves no doubts. We’re close on our MC. All of the stakes couldn’t be clearer.

I liked the balance of dialogue and narration. It made the story zip along. There’s the promise of trouble from the fist page, and that trouble is shortly delivered.

The reveal of our MCs disability was also a nice surprise. People don’t get out of violence unscathed in this world, and a big man with a limp who is nonetheless earnest and brave makes for a great character.

There’s magic coming! Things are going to change, but this has such an active, immersive start, I find myself totally charmed by it. I’m interested to see this world unfold, & it’s a completed series! I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/63059322-hack-slash-burn-1

188. JDL Rosell @jdlrosell, The Last Ranger
     A ranger waits for a predator to eat it’s fill before she can drive it away with fennel smoke, marveling at its beauty … until she finds they are not alone!

In ch1, a fox follows a hunter who he has known since she was a lost child. I think those details are correct. I found this opening confusing. I got lost in the pronouns, wondering if we were talking about 3 distinct individuals or only 2.

The thinking fox of The Fellowship of the Ring is, oddly, a favorite detail of the early chapters for me, and so I like the use of a fox here. It pulls me deep into the natural world and gives me a sense of the tone of this story going forward.

I do very much wish it had been more clear what all was being communicated and who the subjects were. But luckily this section was so short I read on, and everything very much improved! Ch2 feels like it was written by a different author.

The prose is excellently clear and descriptive and a joy to read. The narrative doesn’t try to tell me everything all at once. I feel I learn exactly what a need to sentence by sentence to draw me in.

A character slowly emerges with interests beyond the immediate danger of a wonderfully dangerous thorned lion. She is focused, careful, but capable, as we understand without having to be told.

She thinks idly about friends and marvels at the beauty of the creature even as she holds perfectly still, waiting for the right time to act. I like the MC’s sensibility not to solve everything with violence.

I feel I’m in capable hands. Our character has immediate goals, feels otherworldly, the situation is quickly complicated, the setting is detailed & feels thought out. It isn’t hard to see how this is a finalist. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62808198-the-last-ranger

Day 73

189. MX Walker @mxwalker_, The Girl and her Demon
     A troubled girl has made a pact with a demon, and uses her new found power to revenge the neglect and scorn of her remarried father and demand he pay to send her to a prestigious magic school.

“A deal with a demon. A deadly magic school. What could possible go wrong?” I can’t see any way to argue with a tag line like that.

This YA novel seems like a fantastic subversion of the Harry-Potter-esque pitiful youth discovers they’re magic and gets away from their abusive family opening. Our MC is wrathful in her power. Her rather cannot shout at her now.

She asserts control of her life. She is not merely whisked away on an adventure. She is the author of her fortune … of fortune is the word for the new road she’s on…

The dialogue of this opening is strong, the prose is competent and clear, quickly establishing the relationship between father and daughter(demon) and how it has drastically changed.

This does an excellent job of seizing on the screenplay adage to get into a scene late. So much has happened and changed before our daughter(demon) interrupt her father cowering in his office to make her demands.

It’s an empowering opening. It’s a twisted opening. The world building is subtly layered into the dramatics of the scene, with our focus on the tensions past and present between father and scorned daughter.

The descriptions of our MCs demon and her pact and the way she FEELS now with a cold hollow at her back that tells her the demon is there were particularly well done.

I’m interested to see where this goes, and especially in the potential growth and development of our MC. Will she come to regret what she done to herself? Come and see! I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/124007638-the-girl-and-her-demon

This Dark YA Fantasy has only 2 ratings on goodreads. It starts strong enough that, if a subversion of the HP story sounds interesting to you, I recommend this to you, never mind the cover.