Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

140. Aaron Bunce, Wings of the Storm
     I’m torn, and that’s usually not a good sign. We have an extended prologue of action with characters who I don’t believe we’re going to ever see again.

They’re warriors. Something bad is happening monster related, potentially geopolitically realigning. We get some good worldbuilding patter in dialogue – nothing I really understand yet, but it creates a sense of realism.

The prose is competent and active, and yet it does feel like it’s in a rush to get to the fighting without building up enough anticipation or intrigue for the reader.

My main hang up her is with the storytelling. I don’t really know where we are or have any sense what the stakes might be, and then suddenly it seems like something very very bad is happening.

And yet, the one thing that might make me invested in the moment is the characters, but I don’t feel I know them either. They’re just there. They talk to each other, and the dialogue is a strength here, but it isn’t enough.

Furthermore it is all the more difficult to muster some investment in the characters if I feel we will be shortly (relatively) leaving them behind.

I wonder very much why this prologue is the opening and not Ch1, which introduces our MC, and I suspect it was b/c the author wanted to start with action.

The action itself is commendable, but in the absence of grounded characters and context, it isn’t enough, not in fiction anyway, and not for my impatient read-through. Pass.

Day 49

141. Melissa Wright @_melissa_wright, Beyond the Filigree Wall
     The secret existence of the fae is something Lady Etta has long kept. But her silence has only protected the monsters that killed her mother. All that is about to change.

This has a good, inviting, fairytale summary of a prologue that sets up the story to come in short order, but not at the expense or voice or character.

We are introduced, broadly speaking, to a kingdom at conflict with itself. The people know there are no such thing as the fae and there is no such thing as magic. Some of them … many even … also know that is precisely not true.

But to talk of the wicked fae that are called shadows is to bring them upon you. And so you must, must, must not ever speak of them. So our MC Etta was told by her father after her mother was taken.

She has the gift of sight and can see the fairies that walk among them every day. She has kept the secret for fear of her father’s warning, but she has come to realize that helps no one but the fae.

Look at me, summarizing the prologue instead of the evaluating it. It so effectively puts a character in front of us and introduces setting and conflict, I suppose I just couldn’t help but get carried away.

I’ve read a number of fairytale styles openings so far from SPFBO, but this is the first one that I think really nails it. And when the narrative zooms into scene in ch1, giving us our MC in the flesh, so to speak, the narrative is equally inviting.

The prose maintains a lively voice. It is clear and uses its 3rd person close POV to communicate information to the reader very effectively. The characters are distinct and motivated.

Something is happening from the first page. Not something dramatic, but the story is moving, and with the promise of the prologue fresh in my mind, I find myself turning pages eagerly.

Etta is a sympathetic character. She feels like a real person, and promises to be an active element in the story I’m excited to route for. She’s going to change things, and I’m excited to see just how. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62653656-beyond-the-filigree-wall

Wright also has a lot of books. Like, a lot a lot. So if this piques your interest, there’s a lot more for you to read. (And people talk about Brandon Sanderson being prolific? Hah.)

142. L. James Rice @LJamesRice, The Contessa of Mostul Ûbar
     A hanged girl drifts through the darkness of death, only to wake again with no memory, but the strength to deal with her murderers.

The amnesia trope is one I find, if it’s done well, that I really enjoy. It makes the MC a kind of surrogate for the reader. We’re learning who they are and what’s happening right along with them.

This opening uses it to great effect because our MC hasn’t just had a near death experience – she’s just been killed! And she comes back in time to stop the murders from doing anything to her body.

But is she the same as before? I’m not sure she is. Her broken neck snaps back into alignment as easily as her fingers dig through one of her murders’s skull. But why did they kill her & this boy along with her?

I would have liked this opening better if the abstraction of the death sequence was much shorter, or cut completely. The experience once we’re back in “reality” was clearer, less affected, and much more enjoyable for me.

But, look, this is cool, and cool is a force to be reckoned with. Our MC is powerful (hell, she conquered death), and I get a visceral thrill as she deals with her now-horrified murderers.

This is another story I would recommend to all fans of grimdark fantasy. At 680 pages or so, if you like it, you’ll be able to enjoy it for some time.

I’m interested to see how far this revenge plot goes, and how well our author will handle their amnesia trope – not to mention understanding WHY our MC isn’t dead. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/108517715-the-contessa-of-mostul-bar

Day 50

143. Ted Cross, The Shattered Spire
     A stonecutter takes his son to see the enormous & breathtakingly beautiful Spire of Peace. Built by dwarves and elves long ago, the Spire has stood for millennia – but then…

The prose here drew me in sentence by sentence until I largely forgot I was supposed to be evaluating what I was reading. Many of the details, like “the smell of cold stone,” have a wonderfully descriptive simplicity that make me feel I’m in good hands.

The narration is well focused, introducing our unnamed prologue characters deftly. This familial pair’s errand serves as a good beginning of an introduction to the world of the story.

Cross shows a sensitivity to character that I also find very inviting. The narrative does not try to do too much all at once. I feel I know everything I need to know about these characters. And the prologue ends with great promise.

I’m interested to meet the MCs for this novel and to see if they will be treated with the same steady hand as this prologue. I’m interested to see how the wold of the story will shift after this prologue. I’m in.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62221477-the-shattered-spire

144. Kate Schumacher, Shadow of Fire
     There’s a significant contrast between the focus and clarity of this opening and the previous. I find myself struggling to understand just what is being conveyed line by line here, and that adds up.

The short prologue is overly abstract. There is a sort of mythic magic to it, but I find myself grasping for something tangible to understand. I don’t really know what it is I’ve read, and so I read on to understand why I’ve read it.

Because the first chapter starts with a character in duress, I feel this book would have been better off beginning here. It’s more grounded and immediate.

But the opening of Ch1 lacks focus. There are some good details here, but they are a bit jumbled and I have to reconstruct the scene in my head every so-many sentences.

Furthermore, before I can even get a handle on where we are and what’s happening with our character now, the narrative jumps back in time as our MC remembers things. We’re all over the place.

I’m exhausted after a handful of pages. The prose has energy, and I think the idea of this story is creative, but the execution is unsteady. It’s in a rush and is leaving me behind without ever getting me on board. Pass.

Day 51

145. MT Fontaine @MT_Fontaine, Carved Amidst the Shadows
     A girl of 12 sits with a marriage contract in front of her, but she does not want to promise her life to a little lordling forever more, especially not while she can hear her mother’s labor pains from the other side of the manor.

The prose here is a real treat. Steady, informative, well colored but not overwritten. The many characters don’t feel overwhelming. Even with all the exposition, the feeling of the scene leads.

We’re slowly getting to know the characters and the state of affairs, but because of the extremity of the decision our young MC is being forced into by her father, the opening does not feel slow.

Everything is immediately at stake in a heightened, yet very personal, down to earth way that I’m finding both compelling and unique in the course of this blog-off.

Kaianna, our MC, doesn’t really have any power or recourse, it seems, but her distress does not come off as weepy. She’s taking this well. She wants to find a way out of this, but there doesn’t seem to be one.

The handling is all the names and titles and such is very competently done, such that I feel a little like I’m reading a fantasy Jane Austen novel in the best way.

The fantasy elements are not leading in this beginning, but I am getting a growing sense of an understatedly alien world that feels tantalizing and invites me to read on.

The dialogue stands out every bit as much as the prose, and promise to develop the story with what may be a surprising confrontation in the coming pages. Where will this go? I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61306990-carved-amidst-the-shadows

146. Timothy Wolff, Platinum Tinted Darkness
     I can see this very easily as an anime, which I expect has been a major inspiration. The war scene we’re presented with might have worked if this were an anime, but as a novel it’s not coming off.

The advantage that fiction has over other mediums of storytelling is the power of exposition. You can tell me what I need to know to understand the context of the story, it’s characters, conflicts, and what’s at stake, in a matter of paragraphs.

This opening fails to do that with clarity. The alternative would have been an immersive, active beginning where we’re plunging headlong through the action alongside the MC, putting together all the where and wherefore along the way.

This may have been better served if it had done that instead, but we land in something of a middle ground where everything is much too unclear and then the action starts.

I’ve fallen out of the narrative by that point, tho. The prose isn’t sloppy, but the information it chooses to give me and not give me is.

I know there’s a war of some kind in this city, and I know this girl has armor. That’s all I can say with any confidence. I don’t know the significance of any of it. Sorry. Pass.

52

147. Brendan Noble @Brendan_Noble, A Dagger in the Winds
     Two young friends venture into the dark woods on the eve of the spring equinox because on this night the spring gods can bee seen hunting the forest to kill the goddess of winter & death

Boy oh boy, what a uniquely interesting polytheistic fantasy. Noble does an excellent job of introducing us to some of the gods in this world without overwhelming us by using the characters’ dialogue.

The snowy atmosphere of this opening is immersive. I have an affinity for “kids at play – in over their heads” stories, and this introduces its characters in motion with a goal that is full of promise.

The prose is expressive and easy to read, which helps keep the world building from seeming complicated. Aside from the talk of the gods, there is also some interesting spirit projection magic.

This is a fantasy that assures the reader from the outset that it is bound to be anything but generic. I’m not sure our kids are going to make it through the night safe and sound, but that creates a wonderful feeling of anticipation.

I think this novel would have a broad appeal to all ages. The style is approachable. The characters feel like real people. The story has great pacing. I feel like anything could happen. I’m in!

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57721555-a-dagger-in-the-winds

148. R Lindsay Carter, Unfamiliar Territory
     The prose is keeping me from wanting to see more from this next read. Also, so many of these books have been excellent, they’ve skewed my expectations. But this is just a bit too clunky.

The first person narrator remains an I only. They remain undefined after several pages. This is, of course, one of the challenges of 1st person.

But the vagueness of detail shows up elsewhere in the story too, sadly in its most interesting details (or lack there of). A magical creature of some kind remains merely a shape that makes noises, but what it is exactly we’re not told.

Instead the narration focuses on wholly unimportant details, like what a wagon looks like or exactly where the lantern hooks are.

Something interesting IS happening. I’m not told what it is exactly, but there’s a dark wood and our protagonist is out alone with their wagon and their shape-thing, but ultimately this is just a bit too rough for me. I pass.

53

149. Matthew Zorich, Bastards of Liberty
     Melodramatic. Slightly purple prose. Our prologue begins at the climax of a story that it tries to get us up to speed on through dialogue.

But there are too many characters introduced too briefly for me to keep them straight, and there’s too much story it’s trying awkwardly to catch me up on. Because I’m struggling to understand what’s happening, I don’t feel anything.

Some of the problems here may be due to the conceit that this is a prologue. The author may have taken an approach that is not representative of the rest of the novel.

But if the prologue is going to be a fast, cold open, it can’t be deep, informationally speaking. And if you want it to be deep, you’ll probably have to sacrifice it being fast.

That’s fine. Exposition can still be really interesting. But when you try to cram a lot of exposition into dialogue in a critical, high-action battle moment, it comes off like a bad anime.

This prologue is, frankly, just a bit of a mess. It doesn’t pull me into the story, and doesn’t assure me I’m in good hands. I wonder if the story would work better if it was cut. Pass.