Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

120. Karim Soliman @Kariem28, The Third Crossing
     A ship smuggling enchanted bowstrings is about to get boarded by the coastguard in this Japanese/Korean sea adventure.

I love sea adventures, and this looks to be a fantasy with another refreshingly unique, non-western setting. It seemed at first to be a low-magic world, until this enchanted bowstring detail.

Our female captain is also a nice tough. She seems resourceful and bold. Her and her first mate are our only characters in the opening section, and in such a short space I don’t think I know them well enough to comment more.

But this opening leans on action and brief snatches of detail that pull the reader in. The prose and dialogue are competent, tho I will say sometimes early on I was confused just what characters or the narration was talking about.

There’s a tendency I’ve noticed in some of these openings to be overly obscure about certain details that leaves me confused rather than intrigued. In this case, there is something about the ship that has to stay secret? It has to be a myth??

But that thing is also a weapon, maybe? At least, I think they’re talking about the ship. I’m assuming the ship is the Wraith mentioned. Traditionally ship names are italicized, but that isn’t the case here…

But, despite my confusion here, and the fact that I might have enjoyed some basic descriptions so that I can understand what the Wraith & our coastguard’s Turtle Boat looks like (nice to have – not stylistically required), this opening has purpose.

The characters are introduced, they have goals, challenges, conflicts, and the few setting details and place names I get have piqued my interest. I’d like to see where this goes and if my confusion is shortly smoothed out. I‘m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61757090-the-third-crossing

121. Sarah KL Wilson @sarah_kl_wilson, Of Deeds Most Valiant
     A paladin fights off a demon that inhabits first her master (sorry, but she had to kill him), and the his beloved dog who she doesn’t find it nearly as easy to dispatch.

The prose here is garishly purple, but it and the voice of the 1st person narrator have a bubbling energy that proves to be highly readable. This is fun, first and foremost, and that helps the prose go down.

This approach isn’t wrong. It makes for a light read. I like over-the-top K-dramas that are hardly realistic, over-acted, stylized, alternatingly comedic, romantic, dramatic, and action packed. Maybe you like WWE wrestling. The effect here is the same.

The action is also immediate. The details of the circumstances our paladin finds herself in steadily emerge. The dialogue is sharp and wryly humorous.

It’s rare to read an irreverent paladin. There’s something iconoclastic about it that is really working for me. Her dead master’s voice in her head (is she haunted now?) is equally playful.

The world details of holy orders and customs and place names are sprinkled naturally into the narrative with a steady and patient hand that make the world feel lived in, even tho I’ve only seen the smallest glimpse of it.

The more of this I read, the more it grows on me. The MC’s voice is infectious. It’s light stuff, but stamp this with the Fun Fantasy seal of approval. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122897378-of-deeds-most-valiant

I will say, Wilson writes an awful, awful lot. When I see this number of rapid publications, it gives me pause, but I want to see if this can stay entertaining without just becoming one ridiculous thing after another.

Day 41

122. Steve D Wall @Stevedwall, The Way Of Renegades
     An awful, magical killer is finally tracked down by a group of hunters and a man he changed into something … inhuman. But will they get their justice?

This does a good job of grounding the reader in the moment. It has good, unusual sensory details. Something is happening from the first page. Our MC has a dangerous goal, and it seems within reach.

The prose works. It’s physical and visual, and does a good job of briefly describing the many characters (more on this later.) I think it could have done more with less, but I was intrigued.

This bills itself as a flintlock fantasy. There isn’t any sign of that in the opening. That’s fine, tho a little disorienting.

What disoriented me more has to do with what I feel is the core of this opening: the protagonist and the waiting villain. I understand little about either of them.

Our MC has been transformed into something inhuman by our villain, and that’s really interesting, but we don’t really get to know what he looks like. It’s left a bit vague, and that’s too bad.

The powers and doings of our villain – and how he’s changed our prologue MC – are also something I’m left to guess at. A great deal is hinted at, but never makes it to the page.

Knowing exactly what I’m dealing with here would have pulled me into the story more effectively than the swords and bows and hidden hunters and telegraphing cat-wondering of our MC.

I know this probably sounds funny to say in writing circles, but I could have used more telling than showing.

But what I DO get IS interesting. The scene progresses. And the fact that I want to know more means this opening has done enough right for me to read on to see what Ch1 is going to do. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/97458993-the-way-of-renegades

123. James Downe, Sisters of Jade
     A Senator of the Gorgon Court, his shadow-clad assassin, and a band of mercenaries march through the streets at dawn to “punish” a fellow member of the Court.

At least, so begins the prologue of this sword and sorcery adventure. Our hero has yet to appear on the page, but I find this story has a patient, detailed beginning that creates a real sense of anticipation.

The narration does a good job of telling us things about the setting and the people in it, right down to specifics about their clothes and weapons.

The presentation of these details can lack dynamics at times, but the mostly portrait-like specificity carries the narrative, along with the fact that every detail gets us one sentence closer to a violent assassination.

The who and the wherefore of it all is tantalizing. What is the nature of this Grogon Court, I wonder? How will this assassination change the Court forever, as we hear it will. Will it succeed?

The fact that our killers are marching brazenly in the open, draped in the power of their office, is a nice touch. The characters of the assassin and the Senator are distinct and readily revealed to us.

Our Senator clearly feels himself above everyone around him, is power hungry, cold, calculating, and intelligent. Our assassin is a enigmatic tool, but has no qualms about speaking back to their master.

Where will it all go? Who will our hero be, and how will she fit into the story of this city where colorfully dresses citizens are slowly starving? I want to know. I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60188679-sisters-of-jade

42

124. Carl D Albert, Truth of Crowns
     I’m torn about this next one, but as much as I’ve found I enjoy sharing books from the blog-off with everyone, I’m confronted with 1 of the deadly story sins in this next opening: being confusing.

There’s almost a medieval fantasy Nathanial Hawthornism meets GRR Martin about this. It’s foggy, dark, there’s weird tree worship of a sort, which is interesting, and some very human royal strife.

We open with a particular 3rd person close point of view. Our man is doing something, story details are slowly revealed. There’s a good bit of world building by way of names of nations, families, religions, sword-smiths etc

But, in a way, it gets to be too much. Too many narrative asides, too many descriptions straining to be special, too much writing about the characters and too little of the characters themselves.

When the characters are speaking to each other, which feels very natural, I still struggle, because their talk is crowded with references to world things and idioms I don’t understand.

The exposition has not been smoothly enough delivered for me to understand just what is going on in the story. And the talk of the characters is too often interrupted by the narrator telling me things for me to get a good feel for the characters.

I feel like my ability to experience the events as a reader is stunted, especially in the later half of this opening, when I’m no longer able to understand some action that takes place.

A voice speaks. Another character shows up? Is it a talking snake? A man in a cloak? The Devil himself? What is going on?? It’s as if I’m supposed to things about the story I have no reference for yet.

I was hanging on until here because of the good things that, although a bit cluttered, felt lived in and real, but this lost me. It feels like the most important part of the prologue has been given the least attention. Pass.

125. Daniel Meyer @dmeyerauthor, Credible Threats
     Teenage wizard Sam Adam’s has a friend with a poltergeist problem that he’s about to take care of for her. He’s going to make it go away. With magic. Because he can do that. Hopefully.

This YA, Jim Butcher-esque urban fantasy has its 1st person narrative voice down pat. Sam, our teenage dabbler in the occult, has a self-deprecating, dry, facetious sense of humor to go along with some quintessential noir lines.

The story does a great job of introducing his character and the action of the first chapter from page 1. Sam’s used his magic before to help his classmates on their history tests, but banishing a poltergeist? Well, in theory it shouldn’t be any different.

Things assuredly won’t be going smoothly, especially considering how Sam has to squeeze his fists to stop his hands from shaking.

Is this even a normal poltergeist? And what will that mean in the world of Meyer’s imagination? This will likely be a big hit for fans of Supernatural, Lucifer, and any teenage school drama. It seems fun. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62871454-credible-threats

126. HJ Tolson, Twilight Kingdom
     A child is born in a house of cold stone at the stroke of midnight on the darkest night of the year. Her eyes are blue – the color of the dead and the damned – & they never deepen to brown & she is never named…

Twilight Kingdom has a kind of dark fairytale beginning. There is an inviting, poetic quality to some of the prose of this YA fantasy that I found inviting.

The narrative skips 16 years after the birth of our MC, but the prologue does a lot to introduce us to the setting of this novel, where everyone can do at least minor magic, and children with blue eyes are said to be soulless.

Because our MC’s eyes don’t change, she is neglected by her lordly parents in favor of their healthy eldest children. She has a languishing, neglected, sort of Harry Potter upbringing, we are told.

I wonder at the choice for her parents to never name her, so we’re told. I feel I could have understood this choice better, and that could have helped me understand the significance of names in this culture and what it meant for someone not to be named in a ceremony.

I guess I also find it somewhat unbelievable that she wasn’t even given any name at all by anyone except for, eventually, “Candle.” These details do lend to the fairytale quality, however.

And it is a good sign that I am intrigued enough by the premise of the novel that I want to know more rather than wishing I was reading less.

There is some confusion along the way in this opening regarding where people are (sitting or standing), and how our perspective is shifting from the window, say, to a man in the corner, to the birth bed. Regardless, I was drawn in.

Candle’s father, Lord Enys, is rendered well in the prologue. I get a strong sense of his character, and even, to a degree, in the character of our MC. Though there is little dialogue, they are competently presented to the reader.

Were there really creatures of the night looking in through the open window of our MC’s birthing chamber? Did some monster steal in from the dark and inhabit her? What will a child so neglected turn out to be like? I want to see. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61845245-twilight-kingdom

Day 43

127. Drew Montgomery @dmontgomery008, Gods of the Deep
     In a fishing village that’s cold, drizzling, ever-cloudy, & yet somehow cozy, aunt Kirima wakes, puts on her seal coat, & leaves her pregnant sister & niece & nephew to take out her fishing boat, despite the dangers.

The steady, simple, immersive prose of this opening drew me in. Its details are rich, specific, and unobtrusively presented as our MC, Kirima wakes, dresses, and relights the iron stove.

You can feel the cold and the weariness of the MC, and yet the nature of her routine, and her interactions with her waking family, lend a comforting warmth to the opening.

This family has lost someone, and it has fallen to Kirima to take up his duties as a fisher. She does so without complaint, despite her sister’s fears for her safety, giving me a firm sense of her character.

I feel the subject of the lost family member could have been brought up in conversation more naturally among the other fishermen – it’s a bit expositional as is. However, the dialogue is good.

The grounded details of this setting keep on coming. I want to know what kind of story will emerge from the icy waters of this village. I feel I could read it all morning. It’s less than 200 pgs. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/62978765-gods-of-the-deep

128. Sarah Cline, The Gardens of Ash
     A lord who weaves magic with the black threads that bind the world rides with his sister to kill a monster coming through a Tear in reality and rescues a wounded boy from another world.

Cline has a wonderfully evocative style that brings her action sections excitingly to life. The prose strives always for creative expressions and images, and tho they’re not always easy to understand, they are nonetheless sensational.

The dialogue between brother and sister is natural and to the point, effectively establishing the context of some mysterious monster having appeared from a Tear in a nearby chasm.

At first, I was worried the prose was going to be much too purple, but the narration settles into its style in short order. And the contrast between the creative prose and pointed, not-at-all-melodramatic dialogue works to ground the reader.

This opening is focused, introduces its characters well, doesn’t need to tell us everything at once, and gets to the story right away.

Our characters are tough and active, but feel human. They feel fear and trepidation, but act as they must regardless, and the narrative doesn’t make the mistake of telling us this over and over again.

The details of our MC weaving his magic are unique. The imagery of fire and snaking black threads is evocative and, well, magical! Along with the Tear in the world and the monstrous thing lashing out of it, these details make the setting feel truly wondrous.

This reminds me somewhat of the highly imaginative fantasies of Moorcock or Zelazny. I can’t predict where it will go. This book has only 2 ratings on Amazon US, but based on the strength and excitement of this opening, it deserves many many more. I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60877316-the-gardens-of-ash

Day 44

129. Brogan Thomas, Rebel Unicorn
     Slow start. We’re locked into our characters head as she chats at us. We get to know her voice, but little else. It rambles a bit, we finally get some brief sense of where we are, then it gets distracted again.

The voice is keeping this story upright. It’s engaging. There’s a character here, but not a story. Not yet, anyway. The opening is devoid of focus.

No, that’s not true. It’s just focused on it’s MC’s chatting at us, but not in the context of a developing story. When we are thrown a crumb of a scene, the narration quickly gets distracted again with asides and prolonged character introductions.

There are some neat urban fantasy details here of the monstrous variety. This seems like a romp that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s pulp fiction. It’s overwritten, probably a mess, but probably also fun if you can see past all that.

I can’t, sadly. When 1st person narrators start doing that weird, personified disembodied thing of saying their eyes looked at a thing without their permission, it gets to be too much for me.

I do think this is giving its reader urban fantasy messy weirdo women characters with its full chest, tho. I think when this starts properly it’s going to be a riot in every sense – good & bad. I’ll spill the title if you’re interested, but: Pass.