Tom Mock

NOTE: This is a backlog of my notes from SPFBO9. It may look a little rough. My apologies!

You can read my final thoughts on the contest here: Tom Mock’s SPFBO9’s Opening Reads Final Thoughts | JamReads – Making your TBR closer to infinite

80. Archana Sujai, The Missing Piece of History
I don’t think I can get past page 1 with this one. This has very amateurish prose. The presentation of details is clunky. There’s no experience, just details, which are not interestingly delivered.

Characters are mentioned with the same flat, lack of description as everything else. Nothing and no one is really introduced. Nothing is described. Things just are. There’s nothing here for me. Pass.

81. A.R Rhatmann, Gates to Illvelion
    This next little book is unusual. I think it might work as a middle grade (though I don’t see anything in its description to indicate that it is). It is a fairy tale told with a very soft focus.

By soft focus I mean there are almost no substantial details outside of 2 names and a passing, vague reference to a kingdom. Things happen, but the action is almost too focused. There’s little else here.

I think of Beauty & The Beast. We get a wonderful introduction to Belle and her interests and her kooky sweet father and her village and the problems in her life (Gaston) before her fairy tale adventure ever really starts.

But here, there’s none of that. I don’t know these people in the slightest beyond the immediate events which go by in a rush. So much so that the story feels superficial – almost more of an outline.

Because I don’t feel I know our protagonist, or anyone else, I don’t particularly care when The Thing happens. It doesn’t help that The Thing is so terribly convenient that it not only comes off as totally contrived, but also dreadfully dull.

The Thing happens … because it does. And for me that was really the one thing this first chapter needed to get right. If the story is going to be this brief & plain, it needs to be oh so much more clever.

I suppose this would all be fine for a indiscriminating audience (which is what people mean when they condescendingly say, oh it’s just for kids), but that’s hardly praise. Sorry to say it. Pass.

82. Colm Quinn, Bluebell
    This has a MG/YA quality to it. A Charlie And The Chocolate Factory Sci-fi fantasy quality too it, except instead of a factory, an enormous tower sheds the primary light there is on a young orphan’s city.

The government takes people to the tower, and they never come back. That’s where the boy’s mother went. That’s all he remembers: one day they dragged her away, and then he was an orphan.

Now his orphanage has a tour of the tower scheduled, and everyone has to go, and no one should ask any questions or even speak unless they’re asked a question, and then they should only agree.

The prose was lightweight and easy to read. There are no tabs in the Amazon preview, tho, so the paragraphs were hard to distinguish. There is only an ebook. This may be more Sci-fi and so doomed to be cut.

But, I’m not judging spfbo9, I’m only judging the openings of these books, & I find this one unusual & engaging. The setting is alien. Plants give off warmth & that warmth is sorely needed. Where will this go? I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/122995233-bluebell

I’m sorry to see that this book has a single rating on goodreads, and that rating isn’t good. I hope it finds a few more readers from this content. Something about it feels special.

83. Peter Benton, The Drysau
    This has amateurish prose, heavy-handed telling and then showing me the same thing I’ve been told. Lack of detail, like the author is describing a movie they’re watching to me.

Men dragging a tall woman. All generic, nondescript, very little is communicated. You can tell the reader so much in very few words if you try.

Imagine: “The thin witch finders of Haddon Town dragged the struggling Morgana through the thoroughfare in her bonds. The four men, their tabards already spattered with mud, strained against the inhuman strength of the 7-foot tall witch.”

I think I’m getting more impatient with these because I’m already out for this one. I’ve seen too many of the same problems too many times.

The prose isn’t an easy or an absorbing read. It’s rather awkwardly presented. There is a faux archaism that the author isn’t carrying off well. Pass.

84. R.L. Parker,
    This was cut, I suspect because it is a novella and isn’t long enough to qualify for the contest. Isn’t this the sort of thing that should have been sorted out before the contest started? This is why there’s a waitlist. What gives?

The authors who painstakingly followed the guidelines of SPFBO and, with a heavy heart, did not submit their novellas, or who woke up early or took time off to submit their novels deserve better.

At least there’s BABYBO now. But, since I’m getting impatient with my reads, I’m going to skip this one too. The opening isn’t grabbing me anyway.

85. Lidiya Foxglove, Doll Girl Meets Dead Guy
    I’m already smitten with the cozy, cheeky energy of the title. Titles count as writing, so it’s worth assessing, and: nice work!

This humorous fantasy, gothic romance seems like it has everything your autumn craving hearts could desire. Easy to read, well narrated with great dialogue, it starts on page one with cozy family complications and exciting possibilities for our MC.

A baker girl has captured the interest of the Prince, who has written to hire her to come and bake for him in the capital, something she desperately wants, but this would mean leaving her family, except …

Well, they aren’t really her family, after all. She isn’t flesh and blood like them. She’s an animated doll, a race created with magic! But judging from the title, the Prince may not be what people imagine he is either.

This was a soothing, enjoyable read – the beginning anyway. With lively, realistic characters, loving surrogate parents, and plenty of whimsy.

This promises to be something like, well, maybe Nightmare Before Christmas meets the Great British Bake Off. Or maybe just the Great British Bake Off as Noel Fielding dreams it to be. (we stan our mighty pixy-goth king)

Hurry and get this one in time for Halloween! I’m in.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/77921152-doll-girl-meets-dead-guy

86. Jay S. Willis @atlaslaw, Dream of the Sphere
Transfiguration Day, the day when all must touch the blessed Sphere that sustains the realm. But Morlas has never been as devout as her husband, & her son is scared to touch the sphere for the first time.

The setting is what has gained my attention in this novel, and the hint at conflict Morlas lack of faith (is she the protagonist? From the desc. it sounds like her daughter is.)

The opening of this is dense with setting information, and tho some of it could have been arranged better, it is made more engaging by being delivered largely through dialogue and the characters’ internality.

I am not exactly charmed by the blubbering of a chubby 5-yr old with “fat tears,” especially if the boy isn’t going to be important except as a setting delivery device, but the prose here is good, the dialogue is believable, and the story is building to something.

This is the first book in a series of 4 (so far), and I’m intrigued by the slow but focused opening on a family and potential conflicts of faith. I’m not sure where the story is going to go, & I’m interested to discover it. I’m in. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58971931-dream-of-the-sphere

87. Joan Marie Verba @JoanMarieVerba, Twelve
    A troubled ex-soldier looks for peace in a fabled hidden land beyond the mountains, but no matter how far he walks along the deserted road, the mountains never get any closer…

Every so often during these opening reads I come across a beginning that is so good and so interesting, I forget what I am doing and become absorbed in the story. This is one of those times.

The prose is precise, expressive, & focused. The same goes for the dialogue. Both steadily develop our protagonist, and the deserted, subtly eerie landscape.

If this novel can maintain the level of artistry in this beginning, Twelve will be a contender for finalist, and Verba will be my newest favorite author. I couldn’t be more in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61395865-twelve

88. Francis Deer & Mika Hunter, Stars and Ravens
    A murder, a thief convicted despite the many, many weeping lovers willing to lie for him, & a friend trying to pay (bribe? Shes not very good at this) an inspector to investigate further kick off this LGBTQ+ mystery.

The prose is competent, easy to read, well paced, and dialogue driven. The characters are the vehicle of the story, not weighty narration. Things start from page one.

Some additional narration and especially descriptions would have been a boon to this otherwise sparse opening, b/c we learn almost nothing about the characters except what we can glean from the dialogue.

But that dialogue nonetheless pulled me into the story and kept me turning the pages. It’s light, has a sense of humor, starts after something exciting already happened, and there are great steaks.

Our entry viewpoint character is also a bearded female dwarf, and that’s a nice bit of something new for me. I should say I THINK she’s a dwarf, because the first chapter is on no way explicit about this.

But I’d this book can keep moving at the pace it is now, focused on its plucky characters and developing mystery, this could be a very fun read, and who doesn’t love that, esp. when set against the two more dour reads today?

At nearly 700pgs, I worry seriously about story bloat, but I could just as easily find my self churning through these chapters with mounting and unabashed excitement. I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51840500-stars-and-ravens

Day 28
89. JC Rycroft, The Blood-born Dragon
An active, forceful LGBTQ+ fantasy with a sword juggling female MC grinning through the blood in her mouth as she deals with a trio of would-be desert robbers. Plus dragons

I think the voice is a little too much at times – some of this is overwritten, and that slows down and weakens the narrative punch. When it’s working, it makes the prose forceful and unique, and uses its present tense narration well.

The style is a strength and a weakness. It’s stilted, choppy, fully in the voice of the character & so not always grammatically “correct,” & this takes adjusting too. If you’re willing to take it on, it rewards.

Our MC feels like a real person, and not just a sword swinging badass. She isn’t as confident as she pretends, and is as concerned about her new silk jacket as her life.

This, and the fact that she’s a woman traveling across the desert alone with a horse named Liza makes me think I could get very attached to this character. I’m in!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/82384870-the-blood-born-dragon